Corporate innovation: Apple's toilet paper and unforeseen side effects

The innovation files 8

Imagine Apple’s next innovation: toilet paper. Every time you use it, it analyses your contents and sends a health update to your iPhone: too much vitamin C, eat more iron, a lack of omega 3 and please pay attention to your glucosamine. The information shows an animated dancing cat gif when it is ok, an exploding devil when you are in trouble, and the Mona Lisa’s mysterious smile when the analysis of your inner guts’ content failed. Basically, a modern version of the Roman Huruspex predicting the future by inspecting the entrails of sacrificed animals but then in a modern, more digital way.
Utterly ridiculous, you might think, but not entirely. We are quite obsessed with our faeces. We use it to track the rate of Covid infections and determine the drug's use by tracing cocaine in urine. Besides, we cannot deny our focus on luxury toilet paper. We wipe our ass with three layers of soft paper with air cushions and a slight drop of aloe vera. Oh yeah, printed with light blue cupids and advertised by commercials with labrador puppies as if the paper gives you the same feeling as wiping your ass with the just mentioned puppies. Seriously? People spent time thinking about convenient toilet paper, designing prototypes, testing, and promoting it —decadence in its own way, I would say. This desire for luxury not rarely leads to unforeseen, unwanted and expensive side effects. The three-layered toilet paper with air cushions and a scent of aloe vera was too thick for the water treatment plants. It led to congestion, resulting in adjustments of the system to handle the thicker paper. After the systems were upgraded, the smart asses of the toilet paper company thought of a new invention, even more convenient: wet wipes. Congestion all over again. Anyway. Moreover, a quick search on diapers and sensors gives you a list of products that warn you when your baby wets its paints and analyse its composition. I still had to judge by the smell or the diaper’s weight to decide the moment to change it. Nowadays, dads get an alert on his smartphone. One big hurray for progress and making the world a better place. So, with Apple’s focus to become the health monitor technology between you and your doctor, Apple’s reusable smart toilet paper is just around the corner.